A little lube, some coaching and a lot of talking about it later, I was no longer an anal sex virgin. A glass of wine and romance can help. The most important part is to have good lube that you trust, and be sure to use it on both yourself and whatever will be penetrating you for maximum ease. The more pressure you put on your partner or yourself for a particular outcome, the more difficult it can be to enjoy the erotic possibilities because the resulting stress can get in the way. Try gently massaging the outer opening of your anus next time you are masturbating. Typically it starts with a clueless partner trying to shove it in, hoping that they'll enjoy the experience — only to have the event end in trauma and pain. Get ready to take full control. One of my favorite kinds of hands-on coaching sessions with couples is demonstrating just how slow I mean by showing it on the receiver, and then guiding the giver as they practice it.
Let Go Of Your Expectations When most people think of anal sex, they assume it means intercourse or at the very least, penetration. Once the receiver is more relaxed and turned on, that becomes less of an issue. How's a person ever supposed to give anal sex another try when it feels that bad the first time? The key is to pause as you need to. When you give your attention to your partner , you bring yourself into to the present moment, rather than getting caught up in your fantasies or your expectations for how things will go. Try gently massaging the outer opening of your anus next time you are masturbating. That creates more relaxation and expands their capacity to feel good. Don't just decide to do it and go for it. Relax, but yes it might hurt a bit. And you absolutely must switch condoms in between vaginal and anal penetration. The most important part is to have good lube that you trust, and be sure to use it on both yourself and whatever will be penetrating you for maximum ease. Unfortunately, when viewers copy what they see on the screen, they can easily hurt themselves or their partners. In particular, we often hold challenging feelings like anger, fear, or shame in the pelvic floor. That gives you the room to focus on how you touch them and what you communicate to them through your fingers. Anytime those folks decide that they want to explore anal pleasure, I tell them that these four steps are essential. Just as when you tried it yourself, have your partner start by gently massaging the outside of the anus. Consider how an intense, deep back massage can be given with care while also being quite powerful. Yup, war stories heard from friends have led many people to declare that hole an "exit only" zone. My book and workshops have all of the how-to tips to make it pleasurable, but the right attitude is even more important than the technical skills. The number one best suggestion I have for making anal sex amazing is to slow down. A version of this article was originally published in October Don't go straight for penetration. They often find that the rest of their sex lives improve, too. And when those emotions are linked to past experiences of painful sex or sexual trauma, they can be held even more tightly. I've been lucky enough to have the opposite encounters with anal sex.
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